Lost Without You
by MissAmyR92
Summary: What happens when someone develops feelings for someone forbidden? Pairing is Carla/Liam. Song is Lost Without You by Delta Goodrem.


**Lost Without You**

**Liam/Carla AKA Liarla fic. Song is Lost Without You by Delta Goodrem. Please R&R. Amy x**

"_I'll erm…catch you in the Rover's later then."_

"_Yeah…maybe…"_

I know I've only got myself to blame but I miss mine and Liam's chats. We have become closer than the average brother and sister in law since Paul's death. I hate to say that a good thing has come out of my husband's untimely death but I like the bond Liam and I shared. Not that I'd ever admit that to anyone. God no, I've got a reputation to keep up. Common folk would think it were odd too, a brother and sister in law being close. Especially as we work in close proximity day in, day out. I'm aware there have been whispers about us being together for a while, but we employ a bunch of gossips so I thought nothing of it. Until, however, I realised that there may be some truth in those whispers. 

**I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes  
A little righteous and too proud  
I just wanna find a way to compromise  
Cause I believe we can work things out **

I was feeling these emotions that scared me, shocked me to the core. I felt lust for my brother in law. That's so wrong surely? Even I believe that's wrong, to this very day. But I couldn't deny it, I wanted him. And what I want, I always get. It's my downfall, once determination takes over, that's it. I'm so used to getting my man that I thought no different of Liam. Reality soon kicked though. We're family. I can't feel like this about my 

own brother in law. I tried so, so hard to battle these emotions but they just wouldn't go away. I was rapidly falling in love with Liam Connor.****

I thought that I had all the answers  
never giving in  
but baby since you've gone  
I admit I was wrong 

For a few weeks, I gave the odd subtle hint that I was interested in him but you know what men are like, they don't take hints. I've always had a lot of pride in myself and taken pride in my appearance so I never expected to have to stoop so low. Being in love with a man who is practically your brother is the lowest of the low, in my opinion. But like that old saying goes; you can't help who you fall in love with. Clichés have never been my thing, just a load of rubbish, but this one really does sum up how I explain this love. Eventually, he took the hint that I really was interested in him. He's seen my devious side before however and thought I was just playing games with him. Does he really think that little of me? It shocked me a little to think that the Connors think that of me. I told him so and it turns out I'm "heartless, cold, cruel and an ice maiden." I wasn't standing for that, not a chance. ****

All I know is I'm lost without you  
I'm not gonna lie  
how am I gonna be strong without you?  
I need you by my side  
if we ever say we'd never be together  
in the end you wave goodbye  


**don't know what I'd do  
I'm lost without you **

A friendly discussion soon turned into a heated argument. Arguments lead to all sorts of accusations flying about; I know that from experience with Paul. I called Liam many things that night. I accused him of being a selfish man who doesn't give two hoots about his family. None of that's true of course. The Connors are a very close knit family, they are take great care of each other. I envy that about them. I wish my family cared about me in that way instead of rejecting me the way they did. Things got so heated I was certain I was going to end up slapping him, though that's the last thing I want to do to him. No I can't be thinking things like that! At least I diminished the habit of talking to myself many years ago or that could have been dangerous. 

But we kissed. It may not have been for long but it was a few seconds of pure ecstasy. I felt sensations I'd never experienced before, not even in the many years of marriage Paul and I shared. For some reason unknown to me, I broke it off. Part of me was disgusted by my actions. My husband had recently died and here I was snogging the face off his brother! Another part of me was glad I made the first move. The sexual tension was bubbling inside me and I felt I was ready to explode. He told me he regretted kissing me, yet he made no move to pull away. I could tell by the look of lust in his eyes that he wanted that as much as I did.****

I keep trying to find my way  
and all I know is I'm lost without you  
I keep trying to face the day  
I'm lost without you 

I acted as though I regretted it too though I couldn't be feeling further from regret. There was definite chemistry between us and if I'm honest, there always had been, but we covered over it with pretend feelings of hatred. Liam left the factory immediately and went home to Maria. There's no denying she's a pretty little thing, but in a school girl way. Liam's had his fair share of school girls, I've seen it for myself, and he needs a real woman now to satisfy him. So I've decided to make it my mission to prove to Liam that he needs me, that it's not wrong to feel this way, that he loves me like I love him. I don't care what it takes, however many hearts I break in the process, I need him.****

How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues?  
Baby I'm so lonely all the time  
everywhere I go I get so confused  
you're the only thing that's on my mind 

I know I've got Tony, he's a lovely guy. There's something different about him, I can't quite put my finger on it though. I may be in a relationship but I'm not as happy as I pretend I am. I tell him I love him every day but I don't mean a word of it if I'm honest. Liam Connor has my heart, however cheesy that may sound. When I'm kissing Tony, it's Liam I'm thinking of. When I lay in bed, it's him that's playing on my mind. I've learnt to treasure every moment spent with him, even if it's just a brief greeting in the mornings, moments like that may not mean much to others but they're special to me. ****

On my bed so cold at night  
I miss you more each day  


**only you can make it right  
no I'm not too proud to say **

Our relationship has suffered since that kiss. That spark we have flares up every so often though and it's undeniable. I'm not sure how long I can keep up this pretence with Tony; I'm really not in love with him however hard I try to be. I find myself counting down the minutes till I see Liam again when I'm with Tony. I feel like a teenager again but this is more than a crush. I'm in love and I have no control over it.****

All I know is I'm lost without you  
I'm not gonna lie  
how am I gonna be strong without you?  
I need you by my side  
if we ever say we'd never be together  
in the end you wave goodbye  
don't know what I'd do  
I'm lost without you 

Waking up in the mornings is hard to do. Let's just say that Tony's constant snoring isn't the best cure for insomnia. I'd rather wake up alone in a cold bed, not caring about how I look or how big the bags under my eyes are getting than wake up next to him. Well I'd rather wake up next to Liam but let's take it one step at a time. I've never been any good at ending relationships but it really has to be done. I can't go on living a lie, it's slowly killing me.****

I keep trying to find my way  
and all I know is I'm lost without you  


**I keep trying to face the day  
I'm lost without you **

It's times like this when I wish I wasn't so much of a bitch. I'd like a friend I can confide in about all this but I haven't had any true friends since back in my school days and I never kept many of them. None of them could put up with my mood swings and bitchy behaviour. I don't blame any of them for leaving me but I'd still like a friend to talk to once in a while. Michelle's the closest thing I have to a friend but I can't talk to her about the fact I'm in love with her brother now can I? What would she think of me? That I'm working through the family and I'll be on to her father next? It's not like that, it's really not, but I know that's how other people will look at it. My reputation around here is bad enough as it is, I don't need any more gossip spreading about me, thank you very much.****

If I could only hold you now  
make the pain just go away  
can't stop the tears from running down my face

All I know is I'm lost without you  
I'm not gonna lie  
how am I gonna be strong without you?  
I need you by my side  
if we ever say we'd never be together  
in the end you wave goodbye  
don't know what I'd do  
I'm lost without you 

I need to find a way to explain to Liam how I feel. I can't do it face to face; he doesn't give me the time of day any more. I can't say it in a phone call or something, that's just tactless. I need to find a way to get him to listen to what I have to say. It's easier said than done though isn't it? And what would I say if I had the chance? Hi Liam, I'm madly in love with you. Like that's going to do the trick! I'll drive him further away from my arms, and I couldn't bear it if that happened, especially if it was my fault. A life without Liam Connor in it doesn't bear thinking about.****

I keep trying to find my way  
and all I know is I'm lost without you  
I keep trying to face the day  
and all I know is  
I'm lost without your love  
I keep trying to find my way  
and all I know is  
I'm lost without you  
I'm lost without you

Without him, I'm nothing. 

**Apologies for the amount of rambling! Please R&R, I hope you enjoyed it x**


End file.
